Anonymous, Grade 10
UWCSEA East Singapore
I remember looking down upon people who were thinking the very thought I had in my head. I believed I was crazy at first––all my life, I was told that it was unnatural to feel like this.
It felt like all the pain and guilt had dug through my skin. I didn’t know what to do or if I was allowed to tell anyone. Would my family still love me? This thought rang through my head every day.
I began to distance myself from the people I loved and cared for, and I ended up feeling worse. I let myself fall and watched myself detach from my life.
Being brought up in a household influenced by centric Asian beliefs made me believe that the people I chose to love reflected my self-worth and how much confidence I was allowed to have as a human being. It damaged my idea of what it meant to love.
I spent most of my time reading books that had my idea of love as the main plot, as it was the closest I’d ever get to living my reality. The taste of this heavenly reality had stained my lips, and I kept wanting to go back for more… so I did. I convinced my mind that it was okay to feel like this and that there were others like me.
I wasn’t the perfect straight daughter my family had always wanted; I was a mutated byproduct of the system, I was an outcast. I fell in love with a girl, and it was the most heavenly pathway to hell I’d ever seen.
Today I am an open, proud member of the LGBTQ+ community, and through all the struggles I’ve faced, I found my happiness. I found my confidence.
I found myself.
It felt like all the pain and guilt had dug through my skin. I didn’t know what to do or if I was allowed to tell anyone. Would my family still love me? This thought rang through my head every day.
I began to distance myself from the people I loved and cared for, and I ended up feeling worse. I let myself fall and watched myself detach from my life.
Being brought up in a household influenced by centric Asian beliefs made me believe that the people I chose to love reflected my self-worth and how much confidence I was allowed to have as a human being. It damaged my idea of what it meant to love.
I spent most of my time reading books that had my idea of love as the main plot, as it was the closest I’d ever get to living my reality. The taste of this heavenly reality had stained my lips, and I kept wanting to go back for more… so I did. I convinced my mind that it was okay to feel like this and that there were others like me.
I wasn’t the perfect straight daughter my family had always wanted; I was a mutated byproduct of the system, I was an outcast. I fell in love with a girl, and it was the most heavenly pathway to hell I’d ever seen.
Today I am an open, proud member of the LGBTQ+ community, and through all the struggles I’ve faced, I found my happiness. I found my confidence.
I found myself.
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